The Girls
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After scrolling through the pictures of my daughters that I have stored on my laptop, I’m surreptitiously wiping the tears from my eyes, hoping my roommates won’t see. It’s hard being away from them; they are the most precious things in the world to me, though I understand that they are not really mine. They own their own lives and will chart their own futures. This is why it’s so hard for me to understand the plight of girls in India. Yesterday we visited Asharan Orphanage, where all of the babies were girls, and today at both the Center for Women’s Development Studies and at the United Nations Information Center, the discussion on gender equality was bleak. The work of women is devalued, girl children are neglected or abandoned, and among those with greater access to education and healthcare, selective abortion of girl babies has increased, as has the practice of marriage dowry (the payment of money to the groom’s family as a condition of marriage). These practices are expanding even among communities without a historical tradition of dowry. We wanted to know why, but the answers were frustratingly vague and hinted at an incomprehensibly complex intersection of causes and effects. We wanted to know what could be done about it, but the practices are already outlawed and public information campaigns are ongoing while the trend continues. What must I learn? What must I unlearn? How can I make sense of this?
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I will keep the drawing that Riya made for me at the orphanage, and her photograph, and the memory of her smile as she gave me the “ok” sign, her enthusiasm in posing for my camera and her pride in using it photograph me. But I will also keep the memory of her quick anger at other children who got in her way, and a hardness earned through a life alone on the streets before she came to Asharan. I will raise my girls to value themselves and expect to be honored and respected. And I will keep in mind the number of remarkable women I have encountered in India: Professor Shabti, Dr. Nayak, the scientists at the Center for Science and the Environment, the activists at Pravah, the researchers at the Center for Women’s Development Studies, and the proprietors of our hotel, to offer an incomplete list.
After scrolling through the pictures of my daughters that I have stored on my laptop, I’m surreptitiously wiping the tears from my eyes, hoping my roommates won’t see. It’s hard being away from them; they are the most precious things in the world to me, though I understand that they are not really mine. They own their own lives and will chart their own futures. This is why it’s so hard for me to understand the plight of girls in India. Yesterday we visited Asharan Orphanage, where all of the babies were girls, and today at both the Center for Women’s Development Studies and at the United Nations Information Center, the discussion on gender equality was bleak. The work of women is devalued, girl children are neglected or abandoned, and among those with greater access to education and healthcare, selective abortion of girl babies has increased, as has the practice of marriage dowry (the payment of money to the groom’s family as a condition of marriage). These practices are expanding even among communities without a historical tradition of dowry. We wanted to know why, but the answers were frustratingly vague and hinted at an incomprehensibly complex intersection of causes and effects. We wanted to know what could be done about it, but the practices are already outlawed and public information campaigns are ongoing while the trend continues. What must I learn? What must I unlearn? How can I make sense of this? 
I will keep the drawing that Riya made for me at the orphanage, and her photograph, and the memory of her smile as she gave me the “ok” sign, her enthusiasm in posing for my camera and her pride in using it photograph me. But I will also keep the memory of her quick anger at other children who got in her way, and a hardness earned through a life alone on the streets before she came to Asharan. I will raise my girls to value themselves and expect to be honored and respected. And I will keep in mind the number of remarkable women I have encountered in India: Professor Shabti, Dr. Nayak, the scientists at the Center for Science and the Environment, the activists at Pravah, the researchers at the Center for Women’s Development Studies, and the proprietors of our hotel, to offer an incomplete list.
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